Should we use KPIs for kids?

Some relatives were recently remarking that, in order to properly motivate their 9-year-old boy to study more and get better marks at school, they should offer him some result-based incentives.

If he got X rank in Y classes, he would get a trip to legoland, if he got a certain number of 'A's he would be able to take a trip overseas, and so on. As the criteria and mechanisms got more detailed, the adults joked that they were effectively creating a KPI (Key Performance Indicator) system for a 9-year-old. How amusing that they were applying a corporate performance schedule to a young boy! How ironic!

Except, it's not ironic at all. They have gotten it all backwards. KPIs are a perfect system for extracting compliance and performance from children — that's why it felt appropriate to use — and that is why it IS used on the adult-children filling corporations the world over, that we call employees.

What is an 'employee'?

The word 'employee' in order legal dictionaries refers to a servant of the sea. 'Employer' and 'employee' were literally just the nautical versions of 'master' and 'servant'.

Independent contractors agree to provide a certain result for a certain amount of money. They will fix your roof for 5k, or sell you shoes for 50 bucks, and so on. Employees, however, are selling themselves to the principal (the employer) on an indefinite basis, whereby they do whatever is required of the employer (within certain bounds) — you know, like a servant.

This is why we call them 'permanent' staff — the assumption is that they will be around indefinitely. This is why 'permanent' employees get those 'benefits' — because if you retain a servant, then you are obligated to look after them. You are responsible for keeping them healthy (think health insurance) to make sure they get some time to rest (annual leave) and to set aside money for their retirement (401k).

The fact that servants no longer have free food and accomodation on-site, and that a given servant might switch between several masters throughout their lifetime (aka 'career') is really neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. It's still the same day-to-day dynamic.

A servant then is considered a dependent of an employer — you know, like a child.

KPIs just make sense

From the employer point of view: they want to extract as much productivity from these full-time servants as possible. They're already paying X per month to have them around, so they need to get X + whatever back, otherwise they'd cut them loose like a dairy cow that couldn't produce milk.

This is where the KPI comes in. It IS the tool for the job, and ultimately kids are never too young. If you want to prepare a child for a lifetime of debt servitude, why not start now?